Author Archives: admin

I’ve never been into sports; I’ve never played many sports, I’ve never watched many sports, I hardly ever talk about sports. As a kid, I was harangued by other kids in the neighborhood to play sports but I never enjoyed it. … Continue reading →

Two Sundays ago, I locked myself out of the house. What had happened was that I went to take the garbage out around 6pm or so. I had the garbage in one hand and was closing the door with the other. … Continue reading →

WILMINGTON, DE–After an exhaustive 23-minute search on Thursday morning, 25-year-old ditz, Brandy Carr, breathed a sigh of relief after locating her car keys.   “I was totally OMM [Out of My Mind] there for a second; I totally blanked on where I, … Continue reading →

WEST CHESTER, PA–On Tuesday, Johnny O’Meara’s classmates were shocked and amazed when 8-year-old O’Meara exclaimed that he’d seen not only London and France, but Suzie Myers’ underpants as well. O’Meara’s proclamation even took Mrs. Randolph, 2nd grade teacher at Edward J. Stephens Elementary, by surprise. “To … Continue reading →

The following is a transcript of a press conference taped by a local Philadelphia TV news affiliate. VOICE-OVER: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this special news report. GEORGE KANE (News Anchor): Good afternoon. Over the past few days, … Continue reading →

My name is Keith and I am a movie snob. I’ve been a movie snob for a few years now and it seems to be affecting my relationships with people. I watch a movie and can’t help but scoff at … Continue reading →

I live in suburbia and a few years ago, a T.G.I. Friday’s opened up near where I live. I never imagined that T.G.I. Friday’s could draw a crowd like the one they drew. I remember hearing that there were wait … Continue reading →

FADE IN: EXT. EL TACO LOCO MEXICAN RESTAURANT AND CANTINA–DAY The front of the restaurant is rundown-looking but still functioning; there are one or two people who go in but they look dirty, as if El Taco Loco is (unfortunately) the best … Continue reading →

Before I get to the juicy, tender meat of my story, lemme give you a little background on my current living situation. It can actually be summed up simply: I occupy a Shame Cave (i.e. the same bedroom I had in high … Continue reading →